New Level of Comfort

with lips soft yet firm
hands tenderly exploring
breathing side by side

We've been talking for ten days. It started like everyone else, getting the basics out of the way, but unlike everyone else, he was real and self-aware. That's rare these days, especially in Florida. People down here think they know what they want, but in reality it's all lies. Chamaquito was different.

This is an individual who knows himself - knows how to joke and have fun, while maintaining sincerity and open-ness. He understands me and sees the Chulo that is often passed over for short term gains. I can talk to him and not have to worry about whether he's going to judge me with his next breath.

This evening he came over and we watched "The Interpreter". It was nice having someone with me to share a movie... and fill this empty bed of mine. Everything came naturally, from the awkward silence to the initial brush of skin. After the movie we curled up together and fell to sleep. Sleeping, like actually sleeping with someone, is the greatest feeling in the world. Having the warmth of another body next to you -- it's never too warm. Watching the rise and fall of his chest, tracing the way his lips came together, his taste... everything was how it should be.

In the morning he had to leave me to go to his job. Morning wood had other ideas and he came and cuddled for another half hour before setting out. He promised he'd call, and I believed it. This time I knew I had someone who was worth my time instead of a lot of these other jokers down here.

Chamaquito is probably one of four quality guys that I have met in my year in Florida. I am not about to rush things, but I know that this kid is welcome to stick around.

Blue is my favorite color...

Honorary Resident...

chilling on the stoop
going downtown on the N
life in a brownstone



Te extraño calle cincuenta y seis...

Memories: Winter

frozen timelessness
cold air entering your lungs
frolic in the snow

i miss the crisp winter air...
sitting outside, surrounded by snow, in a navy sweater and dark blu jeans rolled up over my timbz..
watching the flakes drop during twilight, the sun looming on the horizion...
ice covering the powerlines and tree branches...
deer.

Yet another instance where Florida has failed me...

Auditions

you wear your best clothes
you meet up and kick some game
ya'll mess then he bounce

In a desire to reach out and make friends in this god awful state, my study of faggoticus floridius continues. Unfortunately it has continued with limited success. If the ultimate goal was just to find a random hookup then the study would have been an overwhelming success, however a friendship of sorts is the ultimate goal, the hookup is jus a bonus. Using that horrible website to draw applicants for potential friends, we identified three potentials. Each candidate was sent thru rigorous tests to establish motives, character, mental capacity and over-all "good guy-ness". After they were selected and evaluated, we developed enough confidence to meet them.

• Homolicious localas was the first candidate. He lived close by which made leaving my circle easier for me, since I'm really not used to it. He was a professional and seemed to be very well rounded. He has his own home and a great job. I spoke to him on the phone and he seemed eager to chill and hang out. He was a dog person and liked to shill at home -- a homebody. I made it to his home and he invited me inside. His dog, a Jack Russell took immediate liking to me -- it was as if it was her that I came to see. He and I sat on the couch and watched reruns of a syndicated comedy series on a superstation. We began talking about our lives. He spoke a lot about what he didn't like in guys and what he was looking for in an ideal person to be with. I told him that I believed in a lot of the same qualities and could understand where he was coming from -- it was the truth. He then continued recounting the story of his ex boyfriend of like four years who turned out to be a deadbeat. After his story and my feedback he realised that it was getting late and he had work in the morning and he, in a round about, but pleasant way threw me out. Before I was out the door tho he offered me something to drink.
  
  Since I left I have not heard from him at all. Not at all surprising because I don't think he liked me from the get. I wasn't hurt by the lack of followup because in all honesty, I wasn't feeling him that much either. He wanted too much from people and wasn't willing to give enough of himself. So we can call that one a draw, not really a failure, but clearly not a success
  
  
• Homolicious puertoricanus was the second candidate. He demonstrated a fun and upbeat attitude and seemed very down to earth. He was attractive and we shared similar interests. Overall he seemed like he would be a great person to have around. I don't invite many people to my house because I live with my family, however I felt that I could take him home and not have to worry about the house burning down. As we chilled at my place we kicked back doing regular hang out things like video games and movies. Granted for some odd reason The Mother Unit was awake and she was interjecting herself into our time together, and it might have made him slightly uncomfortable, she eventually went to sleep. We hooked up. Afterwards we spent a half hour cuddling and he had to get home because he had to work the next day. I thought the evening was a success, not because we hooked up, but because we seemed to click really well.
  
  The next few days I had tried to make contact thru various mediums with limited success. As I hate to admit failure early on, it would appear to be painfully obvious to me that I did not succeed in my quest.
  
  
• Homolicious dominicanus was the final candidate. This candidate exhibited an outgoing and confident personality, much like my own. He was older, but within the +/- 5 year limit I have restricted myself to. He lived far away. We spoke for some time before I decided that at 3 in the morning I would go to his place and sleep over. There was no pressure for a hookup, jus a sleepover. In my head I found it odd, but he really reminded me of myself by the things he said to me and his attitude so I felt comfortable with him and staying at his place for an evening. Once I got there we got into the bed as if it would be a sleep over. I'm kinda fresh sometimes, and I told him this from the get and the hands wandered. They found him hard as a rock. Go figure. Hard to image with Chulo sleeping next to you. We ended up hooking up. Nothing major, jus some innocent play. After we got our nut off we both went to sleep. Again, I thought it went well. I woke up in the morning, and kissed him good bye. I left his place feeling really good about him -- that I would see him again.
  
  As the days went on however, clearly he was not under the same impression. Days went by with no communication from him, and I finally built up enough balls to ask if I had done something wrong. He replied that he didn't want to hook up, and we did. An obvious failure in attaining our goal. This time it hurt tho because I thought that we really had a connection. Not even because of the hookup but because of what seemed as genuine conversation -- conversation that for most would be hard to fake.

I don't know about you Reader, but I find that my friends are the best people to hook up with. They're never going to bail on you and you know if they end up not calling you for a minute that either something is wrong or they've just been busy. These people in Florida are demonstrating different behavior -- they make as if they're interested in more, and that the hookup really wouldn't be that big of a deal. That they're mentally capable of handling the hookup without flaking out on you. The evidence of our two subjects is clearly to the contrary.

This has done nothing to help us in our quest to become one with our environment and has instead pushed us further from life in Florida and closer to home. It has also made us more jaded about homos in general. You open up a little bit, share yourself both mentally and physically. You feel a connection, but then all of it is nothing but a sophisticated charade. It's fine tho because Karma is all around and it will eventually get back to them. I might hurt now, but i'll be fine because I know I'm better than that -- one day they'll feel what they put others thru and realise that they're no better than the people they sought to avoid the whole time.

Also, as we have examples with hookups and no hookups, it's clear that sexual acts cannot be the defining flaw in each test case. Rather it lies in the individual. In each case they got what they wanted from me, be it sexually related, a need for companionship or someone to talk to. Once they were done, they tossed Chulo to the side. I'm not down for that. I mean if you were genuinely looking for a friend, then no prob -- that's part of being a friend. But this was purely one sided and left me feeling like shit. I miss New York.

This is like auditioning for a movie roll... and not getting it... no callbacks...

Chow Time

if this was a class
i'd be your got damn teacher
you know you hungry


















I made this!

Damn, Can I Check Your Oil?

oily, greasy mess
damn i want to strip you down
and check your fluid

So this just goes to show that you can't send me anywhere without me getting a hard on. Today, my father is like, "Chulo, your car needs an oil change. Go make yourself useful." So the obedient one that I'm NOT was like, yeah aiite. After thirty minutes of dicking around the house, listening to Aventura, I was like, he's right, the car does need an oil change. So with the AMEX that does work in hand, I headed to the car and drove to the Mobil Pit Stop whatever the fuck. It was when I exited the vehicle that i saw him.

Imagine this, a beautifully tanned puerto rican with black hair and the whole square cut sideburns/gotee thing. Now add a navy jumpsuit with Mobil on it. Make him sweating like a pig, with rough dirty hands. Cover him with oil and grease. Finally include brown, piercing eyes and a bangin smile.

I was like, "Yes, I'll suck your dick right now. Do you charge extra for bodywork?"

Of course he can't get down, or if he does get down it would be too easy to let Chulo know he was interested. That's just my luck tho. But shit! He was fuckin bangin!! I was there for like an hour and a half waiting patiently as he worked on my car, secretly wishing he was working on me instead. He came out to me like three times to ask me questions about what I wanted done, but I was pretty much oblivious to all things that didn't include looking at him or the true reason for my visit -- the oil change.

On a real note tho, I have a Z28 Camaro. She's blue. We go fast. So it's important to keep good oil in her system. For optimal performance use Mobil 1. A synthetic oil that allows for better performance and lasts longer than traditional oil. We all know I would have preferred Mobil Alex, a Puerto Rican blend of protein and nutrients.

Too bad that wasn't available on the list of services... they'd be banking millions!

Any of Ya'll Read Tea Leaves?

with a twist of fate
and an outward confidence
we're meeting people

Juan in a Million just left the house. We spent the evening playing XBOX and watching Underworld. He's a really cute Puerto Rican from the Bronx -- Castle Hill area -- and now lives in Coral Springs. Bendito has been here for two months and it's going pretty good for him. He goes to school, has a nice job in product marketing and enjoys video games. Overall he's quality material. Last week's Chulo would have said "He's cute... but he's outta reach." Today's Chulo is saying, "Damn Chulo, why have you waited so long to meet people?"

That's a good question. Why have I waited so long to meet people? Maybe it's the lack of confidence that I have from time to time... (Ask Azteca... He saw it in the club a few days ago...) or it could have been my utter lack of motivation to get out of the house... Regardless of the true reason, I think that this might be good for me. Rather than fighting the desire for friendship, find companions in the area -- even if they might live like 45 minutes away. In reality, what is 45 minutes? All I have that's close to me is Haitians and scary old Crackers. Well worth the drive...

What do I want to ultimately achieve from these people that I meet? I'm really not sure -- friendship... maybe more? You all remember our relationship with Principio. I'm really not sure if I'm ready for another committed thing, but something would be nice. I spend the day alone in my house or working at the block so I really do need something more in my life. I've become not really desperate, but more willing to seek alternative methods to meeting people. Could you imagine me taking out an ad in the newspaper?

It would probably look like this...

CHULO SEEKS CHULO
single, attractive chulo
seeks other single, attractive
chulo for long passionate
nights, romantic moments,
sharing and cuddling. plz
be under 30 but mentally
stable. hispanic a preference
but ya'll italians and light
skinned negroes welcome.
i'm 23, 5'9ish, 150#. i got
my financials in order and
have a college degree. no
bottoms or crack whores.

I wonder if I'd find anyone who wasn't like the rest of these homos. Is it really too much to ask for? Someone who you can't tell is homo from the get, local, gets down all kinds of ways and isn't a nut case? You meet so many people in your lifetime, yet there's like a minute percentage who turn out to be real and worth while. I just don't understand why it's so hard to find a genuine person who can love chulo for chulo and not be states away.

Shit, even Miami is a state away. I have to drive the length of Rhode Island to get there!

New Antibiotics or Gold in a Tablet?

oval, small and white
destroying my parasite
take two pills daily



Chulo will be back to his healthy self in no time at all... San Lazaro knows the way...

A Story of a Monster...

you insist on it
yet i am an open book
more hypocrisy?

So there's this kid I know. He's always talking about "bochinche this; faggot that", and about how he can't stand how homos all know each other. Well guess what, he is exactly that which he hates. From the get I've been honest with him because that's what I do, I tell people how things are -- or atleast how I perceive things to be, and he has been progressively lying and fishing for information to use at a later date.

(All names have been changed to protect the homos...)
Let's call this person Loch. Now Loch caused a bit of drama at the beginning of our relationship, but because I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and not prejudge him I let it slide and took his word for things. My mistake? Maybe, but you learn from your mistakes. Come to find out Loch knows a lot of the people that I know and with each person there's a different aspect of Loch that is portrayed. I was really feeling this kid from the beginning because he seemed mad chill and down to earth. We shared a lot of interests and opinions on things but every once in a while he would flake out on me. Either I don't want to talk to him because I never called him back or he thinks I'm mad at him for some odd reason. Whatever the case may be, he's always finding an excuse to push me away -- but was I ever close to begin with?

Now to make things more complicated, Loch has started talking to Chichen Itza. Chichen Itza and I are mad close and we discuss all kinds of topics from bochinche to shoes to electronic gadgets. Loch is no exception. We find it entertaining that the stories he tells the both of us are terribly different. I mean not that I'm losing sleep over it anyways because I don't know if he was ever genuinely interested in me to begin with. So he tells Chichen Itza that he's seeing this boy, Azul. Now Azul and I had a very interesting relationship. I considered him a friend and we had some bangin sex. I won't lie, nigga had a perfect dick. He was alittle kunt but he was a homothug, and everyone loves a homo thug.

I started talking to Azul's ex, Sunshine. I was honest with Sunshine and told him about Azul. They had a falling out. We had an interesting relationship... if you ask Loch we're still dating, but I haven't gotten the memo.... and we're still really good friends. But there was drama and haters who wanted to see us fail.

Loch has heard about the relationship I had with Azul, but he denies it to no end. Now he's all confused about what to believe. Here's where "Words of Truth... by Chulo" comes in... If he's going to lie about that, what else will he lie about? Just think about that as you're taking that dick like a champ, cuz you know you ain't gonna fuck him. Maybe you are. Sunshine said he was quite the bottom at a time. It's OK, one day you'll realize one day that the people who were originally seeking to be your friend on the real you passed over for stupid faggots who lie and you'll be alone. But that was your choice.

You made your bed, now sleep in it.

DJ Chu... Comin' to a Borough Near You!

sweet antiquity
timeless as the shining sun
analog beauty

"Don't look at the turntable as just this mechanism that you play records on. Apply yourself to it as if it were an instrument, and you can express yourself through the turntable."
-- Rob Swift

It Happened One Morning...

towering above
capitalism at work
today, a shadow



We will always remember...

I've Sprung a Leak

building up inside
without a means to escape
it burst thru the dam

It was this evening that I finally understood what a water balloon goes thru in life. As I was rummaging thru the garage for a book that, in keeping true to the collage aesthetic I had made using various elements collected from random and disconnected pieces, i was taken aback by a freak biological incident that had me confused for the better part of 3 hours. What exactly happened I'm not quite sure, but here's what I do remember.

I was moving boxes back to where they belonged because I was disgusted that I couldn't find what it was that I was looking for. I was on my last box when all of a sudden I was wet. I stopped and looked around for the cup of liquid I had spilt, but alas, there was none. All I knew was my pants were soaked, my shirt was soaked and I was standing in a small puddle.

No children, the roof was not leaking -- rather it was my arm. You all remember that vagina sized hole inside my arm pit? Well it was sewn up after a second cyst became infected and subsequently removed. Inside the empty pocket that was left to heal formed, what those in the medical profession call, a seroma.

I have got to tell you, never in my life have I had so many strange things happen to me in the course of a year.

So everyday this thing fills up with this fluidic substance and causes my arm to swell up and become tender until either a) I lift something heavy and explode all over myself and the floor or b) I do something to milk the liquid out of it ahead of time. Seromas are common after surgery and typically go away after a few weeks but could stick around for as long as months upon months. Either way, I'm glad that my stitches did not seal completely, otherwise I would have had to have been drained by a really big needle and syringe instead of my combo explosion/milking technique. As I write this, I have a small piece of gauze jammed into the hole functioning as a drainage plug until the morning when I'm due to leak again...

Tan Cuidado... Piso Mojado...

Amando's Day..

add one more candle
turn them on and sing the song
don't forget your wish

I remember all my life
Raining down as cold as ice.
Shadows of a man,
A face through a window cryin’ in the night,
The night goes into

Morning just another day;
Happy people pass my way.
Looking in their eyes,
I see a memory I never realized
How happy you made me.

Oh mandy well,
You came and you gave without taking,
But I sent you away.
Oh, mandy well,
Kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
And I need you today. oh, mandy!

I’m standing on the edge of time;
I’ve walked away when love was mine.
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing,
The tears are in my mind
And nothin’ in rhyming.

Oh mandy well,
You came and you gave without taking,
But I sent you away.
Oh, mandy well,
Kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
And I need you today. oh, mandy!

Barry Manilow - Mandy

Memories of a previous life... where's that homo Donnie McClurkin when you need him?

Credit Reporting Agencies and Why I Hate Them...

struggling so hard
i manage to pay my bills
before they come due

Today was one of the worst days of my life. Rather than waking up to find a strange boy in my bed, I awoke to find that my accounts with American Express were ruined. I have been an AMEX card holder since 1999. My first credit card was an American Express -- it was blue, awarded to me when I turned eighteen and loaded with a $14K credit line... and I haven't even graduated high school! How I got it was beyond me (and on my own at that), but hey, I wasn't about to complain for I now had corporate sponsorship.

Today things are a bit different.

Now a college graduate, I'm barely pushing $500. When I signed onto my AMEX Online and discovered I had $200 available credit on my Blue account I had a fit for myself. You see, everyone in the house has American Express cards because of me. They are card holders under my accounts rather than I under theirs. So I went to collect the cards from everyone at four in the morning. This was before I realised what had happened. I thought they maxed out $20K, but no -- they lowered my credit line instead.

I still don't understand what happened, I only know the bits of information I learned from customer service reps and the credit agency. Come to find out, American Express conducted a review of my credit and Equifax told them that I had seriously delinquent accounts, too many accounts with balances and insufficient repayment history since delinquency. Taking Equifax's word as the Gospel, American Express took the following actions...

• Suspended Flexible Payment Option
  
• Suspended Sign & Travel

• Suspended Flexible Payment Option
  
• Suspended Sign & Travel

• Reduced My Line of Credit from $20,000 to $500

• Reduced My Line of Credit from $20,000 to $15,800

With this revelation, I clicked my way to the Equifax website to get a current copy of my credit report. After jumping thru some hoops I managed to print it out... all forty pages of it. What did I learn from my credit report? Well I have a bunch of credit cards I never use and should probably close. The closest thing I've come to "Serious Delinquency" is two late payments last year after I graduated college, and they weren't even seriously delinquent, they were just late. The accounts with high balances are my student loans. I have no negative account history. I have no accounts past due. I have no bankruptcy history, and I have no collection agencies after me. With this information in hand, I proceeded to call back American Express. The man on the phone told me that I would have to call tomorrow because the department I needed was closed. A nervous wreck, I reluctantly went to bed.

The next day I called Equifax. The first woman I spoke to told me that on one account I made two late payments. I knew this. So I asked her... "Do you people consider two late payments "seriously delinquent?". She told me some bull shit about the credit card company making those decisions. I told her that I spoke to them and they told me that it was Equifax that told American Express I was seriously delinquent, so I pressed on. I asked, "Does my credit report look bad to you?? I made two late payments out of how many accounts?". She told me she couldn't answer that. I got angry and now wanted to know why it was that these people can tell American Express what ever the fuck it is they want but when the consumer calls back looking for answers they can't give them to me. She blabbed some shit that she couldn't answer that, and I demanded to know if there was someone there who could. She placed me on hold and returned to tell me there was not. She claims it's against the law for anyone there to comment on my credit report. Spineless bastards.

I called American Express Back. I told them what I found out from the credit agency. They told me I would have to send them a letter explaining my situation and copies of relevant information that supported my case. I told them I would fax it to them when I got home because I was at work at the time.

It was then that I found the section telling me that there was negative on my credit report and called Equifax back. This time I spoke to an import. I explained to him my problem and I asked him what was wrong with my credit report. Again he came back with two late payments. I explained to him that I was aware that I was late, however I was not seriously delinquent. He asked if I wanted an investigation into the problem. You bet your oriental ass mother fucker! Shit man, what is this, do they hire from the college drop-out pool? I then asked him, since my credit report indicated nothing negative on it, where do they get off telling American Express these things about me. I wanted to know where the corporate responsibility to the consumer was. He didn't understand, so I changed my question, "How can avoid you people in the future? How can I take my name out of your database??". He told me I couldn't and that upset me again, and I replied, "There must be a way to stop any future dealings with you people. You have a ridiculous power over people's lives that you wield like a child that's just found his father's gun. You take no responsibility for ruining people's lives." Again, he didn't understand. With that, I told him to do the damn investigation and I'd call back another day when I am in the mood to be irritated by stupid people yet again.

I am still not sure what is going on with this situation. Clearly I'm being punished for giving my family access to accounts under my name and for taking out loans so that I could go to school. Does American Express not give a damn that for six years I have never missed a payment and that I have been a faithful customer of theirs paying absurd fees so that I can benefit from the perks of the Gold and Platinum American Express cards? Shit, if I was some white trash, bill collecting, incestful, redneck asshole, do they honestly think I'm going to pay them to have their charge cards? The answer to that is a resounding no. Those trailer trash sons of bitches don't even want to pay late fees -- never mind an annual fee.

I will reclaim my good standing with American Express... Equifax, you've fucked with the wrong Chulo!

A Moment of Silence...

she -- unrelenting
snubs her nose at the free world
watch the city drown


PHOTO COURTESY Yahoo! News

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want...
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul;
He guideth me in straight paths for His name's sake...

A moment of silence for all those we've lost in the storm...