like a steady flowing stream
but the fish don't bite
As my current job hunting letters have failed to produce any kind of result, I believe a new cover letter may be in order...
August 24, 2007
Dear Human Resources:
I saw your job post on craigslist for a Junior Account Executive. Against my better judgement I send you this reply, knowing that you aren't going to email me back or call to schedule an interview. I have a Bachelor of Science from Ithaca College -- it sits at home. I majored in Television & Radio and minored in Still Photography. My major concentration was Advertising & Public Relations.
If you find the time to review my CV you will notice that I do not have any internships or marketable job experience. This is true, but I have years of activism and student government experience, I have run for public office as an endorsed candidate and was invited to Fordham University by Hector the Magic Spic to present my photographs to his group -- aside from sitting behind that computer screen avoiding this response, what have you done for your common man? Right, just as I thought, keep him down.
I have worked in many retail locations and quickly rose to management. I have great team-working skills, can follow direction, work alone and I can even shuck and jive. I have survived hurricanes and frequent air travel. I have the ability to seduce you online in hood Spanish. There has never been a new skill that I couldn't master in a short time span, so that proprietary software you're running -- I got that in the bag already.
I know you aren't interested in my CV so instead I have attached a picture of my ass. In the event that you don't wish to offer me a job, feel free to print out the picture of my ass and give it a big ol' kiss. However, if you would like to offer me a job, save that picture in a secret place and keep that in the back of your mind when it comes time for bargaining for vacation time.
Thank you for getting this far in this email and may you have a blessed day.
Sincerely,
Chulo Rodriguez, M.D.
All a man got is his balls and his word... and I don't break those for nobody...
3 comentarios:
Welcome Back Chulo....after careful review of your *ahem*
coverletter. I think you've
discovered the right tactic.
It's clear that you would be
a valuable asset. (It was too easy)
good luck,Chulo.
*prints picture, hunts around for job postings*
I, of all people should know how you feel. It's a process and one that I don't like because it comes with the only feelings of inadequacy.
Keep your head up and keep sending out resumes, call if you can, ask around, and maybe even consider taking a whatever job for the time being.
And I am still mad you need nudity to up your readership. Are you learning from Perez Hilton?! LMAO
Publicar un comentario