The Shells Drop & I Run Like Hell...

after the reading
things were too close for comfort
off to the doctor

Well folks, I failed to share something that came out of my reading. The shells told me that I should go and see my doctor right away for a thorough physical. Eleggua suggested that there might be something wrong with me that I was unaware of. As the reading was too close for comfort to begin with, I wasn't about to fuck around.

When I got back to Brooklyn, I called the doctor's office. Of course it was closed, but they have a machine, so I decided to leave a message:

Hi, this is Chulo Rodriguez, I'm a patient of Jose's. I had a reading last night and Eleggua told me I might have something wrong with me. I need to make an appointment to have a physical and blood work immediately. I'm one of his original patients, so don't play games with me.

I left them my phone number and expected someone to call me back. I'm sure you're aware of what happened next.

Exactly -- nothing happened.

So the other day, nearly a week later, I call back. I told her I called and never received a call back. She told me she checked the machine and I must have left it in the wrong mailbox. (There was only one...) So again, I explain to her that shells told me to go to the doctor, and while she's clearly confused, she makes an appointment for me any way.

That brings us to today children.

I roll into the doctor's office at 10:30. I sign in. They take my temperature, blood oxygen level and I weigh in at around 143... clearly I am underweight, however once I begin to produce muscle that should change. Don't worry, it's on the to-do list; Item number one hundred and twenty three, convert fat and water into muscle. It follows item number one hundred and twenty two, convert lead into gold. We'll see how far we get with that one first.

The assistant then takes me into the examination room and asks me a most absurd question, "Why are you here?". To which she gets an equally absurd response, "The shells told me to come." It makes sense, fight stupid with stupid. Why am I there, clearly because I am under the impression there might be something wrong with me. This isn't astrophysics, Christ! She leaves me reading about the World Cup in the copy of ESPN Magazine that I cop'd from the waiting room.

Dr. Jose comes into the room, and wonders aloud, "Chulo why are you here?" I explain to him that the shells told me that it would be a good idea if i had a complete physical. He looks at me thinking that I'm talking about a restaurant. I'm like no, and then start to tell the story. He's Puerto Rican, he'll understand. I told him I had a reading, and that the shells told me that there might be something wrong that I don't know about, and I should have everything checked. Still slightly confused, he asks, "Brujeria?". I'm like, "Bingo!'. He shakes his head, tells me that I am more Puerto Rican than he is, but what can we lose.

After Dr. Jose and I do the whole breathe in/breathe out thing and he listens to my heart and then sends me out for blood work. Four tubes of blood, a list of blood tests (that does not include an all of the above option) and a small cup of urine later and I was on my way. Keep in mind, when she put the needle in to draw blood it shot all over her cuz clearly it was her first time, but hey, we can't all be good at everything we do. It didn't hurt tho -- if it did then we would have had a problem.

As I was leaving, the woman at the out door was like ten dollars please. I looked at her like why. She said that United Health doesn't cover the blood drawing phase of the lab work. I looked at her like and? She was like ten bucks. I was like, I never paid ten bucks before, no one said anything -- can Dr. Jose waive this fee. She was like, he's the doctor, he can do whatever he wants. So I go to his office and I'm like she wants ten dollars. He's like you don't have ten bucks, to which I replied, "I barely had fifteen for the co-pay." He told the woman to let me go.

I left the office only to find the elevator out of order and a staircase that took me all the way around to the other side of the building.

I love trips to see him, it's always eventful and entertaining...