heartbreak is nothing
however when it explodes
you know it's the end
The past forty-eight hours I spent with Principio, yes, the first. Everything went well. He took me to his God Parent's house and I got a reading, it was dead on balls accurate, but now that I'm thinking about it more things are making me start to question nearly every relationship in my life -- starting from my parents, to my sibling, to my friends and even El Amor de Mi Vida.
The problem that we are encountering here, bear with me, I'm writing this after two bars of Xanax so I could calm the fuck down because a bombshell has been dropped on me, and I'm really uncomfortable with the news that I found out.
Principio, El Amor de Mi Vida, has been wanting to get back together with me for the longest time since we broke up. I'm sure you all remember that. He told me I was a bad boyfriend (granted I had a broken leg and he says now he didn't mean it, but it still hurts). This happened after he stayed in my house for a month in Florida with me. After I welcomed him into my home, cursed out my parents for being rude cunts and made them apologize for their behaviour towards him, until everything was hunky dory.
This trip to New York was one that should have never taken place.
Let me preface this story with that line because it's important.
Principio and I went to the Little School House after margaritas. We were feeling them, but hey, they were really good. As I entered the club in my typical fashion, I failed to see the King of Spain and My Size Dominican at the bar. Right there I should have known to get Principio out as he was never a fan of My Size Dominican. But instead, like the pendejo I am, we stuck around. He left me at the bar with my Dominicans and proceeded to throw shade to this nigga who "sucked his dick".
Dique.
He spent more time with him than with me, which really upset me because I don't live here, and I don't understand how you can ignore the person you came with like that. It isn't right. I continued to drink, and then by the time we had left the club, Principio and I, The King of Spain and everyone else and we made our own tracks... Until My Size Dominican called me and wanted to know what we were up to. So we met up and hung out at a random diner. Keep in mind, Principio never really cared for My Size Dominican. Things obviously changed when they finally met, as they exchanged numbers.
From that time, Thursday evening, they had been text messaging until they day that it was time to leave, practically the entire week that I had spent in New York. Keep in mind that he hated My Size Dominican until they day that they met. I suppose it's partially my fault because I introduced them, but you know what, if either of them cared for me, then they would know that they were both off limits. It's just a matter of principle. You don't do that.
He said he loved me, tears were shed and then he busts out with I'm really feeling My Size Dominican. If you look at the Nation of Chulo, if I were to go into his Casa de Santo and find someone that he cared about and pulled this shit, then something would have hit the fan.
All I know is that if anything happens between the two of them, then that's guaranteed to ruin any chance for Principio and I to get back together. I know that there is no way in hell that I will have my heart torn our of my chest yet again, I know better than that.
Principio and I agreed on an open relation for the time being, that's one thing I can attempt to do, but to have an open relationship with people that either of us have a history with, especially one that's known after My Size Dominican Gate.
What I can't fathom for the life of me is how someone who supposedly cares so much about me -- who loves me -- could go and begin something so malignant that it could only cause a ginormous rift in our relationship. It seems as if it was an intentional thing meant to push us apart so that the relationship could finally come to an end.
As I sit here in tears, wondering what the fuck is going on in my life, I can only imagine who else is involved in this tangled web that I've found myself trapped in. Am I one who deserves to be treated like this? Is it Karma? I was probably one of the best things to come his way in some time, even with me in Florida. Maybe I need to find someone older, more mature, someone who would never play me dirty in such a way like this... but I love him.
Ese hombre que tu ves allí que aparente ser divino tan amable y efusivo solo sabe hacer sufir...
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Principio loves you. You know that. I am sure of it. I don' t know anything about My Size Dominican. What I do know, is that there is no way they both didn't know that pursuing a sexual relationship with each other was wrong and horrible.
I will be the first to admit that Nation of Chulo boundaries can be a bit blurry. But, I think that it is blatantly clear that given your ROMANTIC history with MSD, Juan's getting with him would hurt you. I think it is blatantly clear that that is the ONE thing that would hurt you. Of all the people in New York City to get with...
The question is, how many times are you two going to sabotage your relationship? How many different ways are the two of you going to create ways to NOT be together and committed?
I'm sorry.
How can we be friends if we ruin each others' lives?
What is our policy for cessation from the Nation? I want to be my own independent nation.
Delicate Flower,
Unfortunately there is no way any of the other states in the Nation would allow you to secede. The reason being, you provide the voice of truth and enlightenment. If not for you, who would we have to establish the things in our lives that we clearly fail to realise? While granted, you too suffer from some of the same problems, no one said you were perfect. However, as we toil and struggle together with the sword, spear and iron fist of the Orc, we will be victorious!
Love,
Chulo
It seems that neither of them, but especially Principio has no respect for your feelings. At least not enough respect for you and how you feel to sacrifice something that he wants.
He may have love for you, but he clearly has not yet developed the kind of love that recognizes loving you means anticipating what may hurt you and caring enough about you to defer or sacrifice his desire for this fuck for the sack of your feelings and your friendship.
But maybe I'm from another planet.
Or maybe you are right, dealing romantically with a person that is more mature will help prevent your heart from being hurt.
Remember though, chronological age is not an indicator of maturity.
Much success y suerte papa.
When did we get roller coasters in the Nation of Chulo?! It's been a hell of a ride all week. I'm still exhausted from it.
Hmmm...where do I begin with this.
Babyboy, I agree with Montez, Principio loves you. I don't think that's a question. However, he is human and mistakes are bound to happen. Yes, it was a rather stupid mistake, which I don't know if he actually thought about until it happened. Of the gazillions of people in this city he would pick MSD, who by the way, can we get over now? I mean really, this is like the second MSD battle that's been fought on these shores within the last year. I think it's time that POW was released back to his native land. Don't you?
Back to Principio, in his mind he's single, he can do what he wants, but it's a general rule be it gay/str8 - if you know someone, you don't mess around/date their ex. So shame on Principio. I think he's in pain, hell he's said it. He's way over his head in matters of the heart. Getting involved with MSD, knowing your history with him was the wrong choice. Did he do it deliberately? Maybe. Did he know what was going to happen if he told you? Perhaps. Only he knows that and we all know that he won't come out and say it. He should have known better, the both of them.
And agreeing with Montez again, The Nation of Chulo has no guidelines or rules to abide by. Instead of spear chuckin, were all cock chuckin. Some of us don't (Montez is the only sane one), however. Either way I think that some citizens don't respect or care about the feelings of others. MSD couldn't care less about you in this situation and he showed that by hiding and claiming he didn't want you to find out like this. Boooo! That's cowardice the last time I checked.
To your point, maybe a new romantic interest is what's needed. Maybe someone older. Maybe not. But something new is definitely a must. It's really up to you to explore that.
Anyway, I believe the hurting has to stop and please put blame where blame is due and that's on the other parties and not you. You did nothing wrong. Be mad. Understand what just happened. Pain is becoming the driver of this tour bus in the Nation and it keeps crashing into walls. How long can you continue to feel like this? Until you move to NYC and can really take a stab at making something work between you two? Until that time please realize that you're in a mindfuck of a 3some and it ain't getting better. Someone has to go home tonight, get voted off the island, get the lowest score, pick the wrong suitcase, get a double whammy or something.
In conclusion and what gets my goat the most, is that I just really hate the fact that they are getting away with it. Have they realized what just transpired? Will they continue? Is there no policy in this Nation to extradite people committing crimes of passion?
This is what happens when you deal with these young, immature faggots. They have no respect for other peoples feelings. They are just looking get off their next nut and don't care who they hurt in the process.
You are likely to be involved in a heated verbal dispute with someone who has exactly the opposite views in regard to a certain situation, dear Sagittarius. You both have a powerful arsenal of facts and information to back up your points. More than likely, there are parts of the argument that you weren't expecting to hear. Perhaps you didn't see that certain things were an issue of concern when in fact, they are paramount in the whole scheme of things.
There are two sides to a story and this one sided interpretation cannot be claimed solely as truth. I sit here and read the comment once, and took it upon myself to look back at what had transpired. In all reality I did state that me and MSD had been texting each other back and forth. I admit that I was flirtatious in my text messages to MSD. However, the whole "Im really feeling My Size Dominican". Nope. It didnt happen. I did say that we were getting to know each other, and a friendship was developing.
Your fear of what could possibly happen was the cause of your explosion. Not the idea that something had already transpired. As I stated before more than one person in the nation of chulo has propositioned me into sexual acts which to this date has had no avail. You know how I feel about you Chulo. You see the way I look at you and You know can feel it. The problem lies when you overexaggerate one aspect and make it into this whole imaginary scenario which has not transpired. "Yea I tend to do that" You stated it yourself.
Because of this whole scenario MSD had decided to remove himself from my life, ruining a possibly wonderful friendship because he felt that he didn't want to ruin something great that lies between us.
But the question is, What was the big deal again? Your exploded egg analogy happend because you assume that I have to have relations with every fuckable homo that is around.
POR FAVOR.
Why is it that when I told you what would happen if Dre and I decided that we were going to date or become fuck buddies. You were all ok with that. But over this nigga you flip because we send text messages to each other. That sounds like a double edged sword to me. Not only are you hurting youself papa, but you are hurting me too....
Well...I mean...the clear and utter difference between Juan possibly fucking Dre and Juan possibly fucking MSD is so obvious that I can't believe it requires delineation.
Dre and Chulo have never dated. They have had a friendship that at moments got sexual and perhaps still has a sexual component but they have never dated and are not exes. In addition, the sexual flirtation between you and Dre is obvious, open, and Chulo has been in on it since day one. Juan and Dre will never date. If they were to become fuck buddies it would only be an extension of the already flirtatious relationship that is present, that Chulo knows about, helped foster, and is actually a part of. There would be no increased intimacy.
Juan and MSD is different. It was something that happened behind his back. Something that MSD asked you to keep secret from Chulo, which you did. MSD and Chulo have a history where Chulo considers him an ex...I cannot believe that you would be okay with Larry having sex with an ex of yours...Maybe I am wrong.
And yes, many in the nation have flirted with you and have expressed sexual interest in you. I include myself in that - it is certainly no secret. But, we all flirt with each other. You are by far no where near the only person in the Nation who gets flirted with by others in the Nation. No one takes this inter-nation fliration seriously because it wouldn't lead to anything serious at all. But, I think if Larry were uncomfortable with anyone flirting with you - his real friends wouldn't.
It's kind of that simple, really.
I am so certain that you love Larry. I have seen the way you look at him. I have watched you cry over him...More than once. I have watched him shut down in your presence rather than open up to you.
It is all rather exhuasting and unnecessary.
I think a loving relationship has to be easier than this. If you want to be together, really, you will be.
If you want to be together - you will be.
If you want to be together - you will be.
If you want to be together...
Life is strange, full of obstacles and challengers, thats what life is all about. Especially when it comes to love. Love doesn't belong to anyone. Sometimes you think you are in love with someone, and that other person don't even care. Love behaves weirds, why is that? Why people in love don't see reality? Love is blind for those that fall in love with the wrong person.
Love hurts, when you have been used, when they lie to you, when they create a fantasy world, making believe everything is true and they don't be honest with you. Time passes by, and things star turning around. Time, supposely tells everything. Does love come back to you in the same way? Thats a funny question to ask. If it does, it won't be the same. It won't be what you are expecting. Is it worth, waiting for the person you love? When they are living their lives without thinking of you. Love hurts, very much.
Thats the way things Are!!!
Don`t live life expecting things to happen, sometimes life will surprise you! Things you wish to have in life, sometimes depends on OTHERS. I THOUGHT I HAD someone I really like, but i guess it was just not the right time. That SOMEONE just made me sad, by telling me things can't be.
If you only knew what really happened.. Only them two would known and those they shared with.. The world will never know!
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