A Reading from the Gospel According to...

with a heavy heart
the healing process began
for two wounded souls

This evening Peter came over to watch a movie... I invited him over as I was concerned about his well being -- granted my instable emotional distress and associated crying like a bitch syndrome are two problems I should probably take care of first, he was in need of a friend.

After swearing off his telephone and MySpace, Peter slowly opened up and shared his problems with me, a problem that I am no stranger to -- JCHCS. At one point in the past, Peter said to me, "Chulo, you have no feelings... to have feelings would require a heart." and with that he left the house. Tonite, in a strange twist of fate, he was saying similar words, however he was referring to himself.

The problem isn't that Peter doesn't have a heart -- rather the problem is that the boys (I'm generalizing, of course I am sure there are exceptions) in South Florida are not worth the water that their vile fleshy outer shells contain. Most of them are out for a quick nut while the remainder are only out to play games and fuck with your mind, body, spirit and heart.

While the first variety of garden snake, those out for a quick nut, can be easily avoided or in the event we have an encounter, it's over. The nut was quick, more than likely you'll never see them again, i.e. Juan In a Million. You feel used, but you get over it. The second variety of garden snake is much more poisonous, for once they sink their teeth into you, you become changed -- often for the worse.

On the outside they appear shiny and new, some even have that new boy scent, on the inside they're lying, thieving bastards who are only concerned with themselves. They lure you in with wit and charm, some have southern appeal, others have some kind of ethnic exoticness about them -- regardless, they're both equally as dangerous. You're led on to believe a certain thing, and in the end, you're left holding your dick in your own hand because they've taken every ounce of dignity and self respect you had prior to your meeting them that first fateful night.

Now, do you pine over them, feeling sorry for yourself? In our case the answer was clearly yes. But after careful thought and rationalization, we have come to determine that in the end, it is their loss. We are much better human beings than they could ever strive to be, even after a Sally Struther's correspondence course on how to be a decent individual.

The Homotopia we live in today has reached a critical level -- one and a half penis degrees of separation. We might as well all participate in orgies because we're all fucking the same people anyway. The attractive people, that is. We all know if you're a homo, and you wouldn't fuck yourself, then clearly you are not included in this scenario. You think that the larger the city, the less likely your chances are of running into someone who knows someone else who knows that one asshole that ruined all meaningful relationships with guys for you, but that's simply not true. The chances are statistically significant that there is a higher ratio of homo-to-homo connection that will eventually end with a negative result.

"Boys lie." Girls have been wearing it on shirts for years now. Why are we just learning this? Do we need a female to tell us something that we already know for ourselves? Of course we don't. Bear in mind, I'm not advocating the demise of pursuing homo relations, just be aware that the boy you're talking to will at one point turn out to be an asshole, and more than likely, you will hate him for a period of time before you can fully come to terms with what he had done to hurt you.

None of us are immune to this, myself included. You've read my stories of love and lust, pain and suffering. Most of them were brought upon by myself. The only relationship that went smoothly was the guy who picked me up off the N train, and he had a girlfriend -- he did suck dick like a pro tho, so who really knows.

I think Peter and I have a new understanding of one another -- we're both jaded beyond belief and fed up with the bull shit that boys come at us with. I have over six hundred DVDs, we can make it a Blockbuster night and chill out in the comfort of my own home rather than attempt to find yet another individual to demoralize our kind hearted nature.

We both have hearts, however, at the present time they're hibernating until there is nourishment available that's able to sustain their functions in the manner that they deserve.