Drag Your Iggnunt Ass Back Across 8 Mile and Get Your Facts Right...

i graduated
to avoid all of your shit
i'm tired of you

Ok folks, you all remember that I work at The Little Haiti Video Store. It's a wonderful place to work... when it's closed. Tonight was the most eventful night that I've worked in a while. Imagine this -- a place where there are more than one video store on the same road... a place where the telephone operator doesn't know which store the number she gives the people belongs to... a place where they all end up arguing with me because they think they're right and I owe them something, where as in reality they're wrong and making an ass of themselves.

Keep that image in mind as I tell you the story of The Night the Black Family Ran from the White Demon.

Now for the scene -- the store was packed, it was unusual because it was a Sunday night and the Academy Awards were on, usually people are at home watching those, at least in Rhode Island. I was the manager on duty, my homegirl T was working the cash box, Maxie, the sister of my boss, was on the other side using my Apple to make a music CD for herself.

I take the next in line -- two girls. As they don't have their membership card or any photo identification I sent them home to go and get it. What is this? It's like going to school without your books; you're unprepared and expect everything to come to you as if you were ready to go... nah, not on my watch bitches. I continue to wait on the fiends, and maybe ten minutes go by and they're back in line. They rent an old movie and T checks them out. As they're paying for the damn thing they stop mid transaction and look at me. "He told me on the phone that this movie was $2.12 and now it's $4.57?" I looked at them and said, "I said no such thing, the movie is four change." and continued to wait on the line. As I ignored them they continued to run they mouthes as they left the store.

Obviously they didn't go home happy, but hey, I ain't told them it cost $2.12 so whatever... plus they didn't go home.

The door bell goes off, and as I turn around to greet the next customer, wouldn't you know that it's them again? This time, girl number one is on the phone. She hands me the cell phone, "My daddy want to talk to you." OK, I'll bite. I take the phone and say hello...

Daddy: How you gonna tell my daughter the movie cost $2.12 and then turn around and charge her four dollars?
Chulo: Sir, I did not tell your daughter the movie was $2.12. I have not answered the phone all night.
D: Yes you did. She spoke to a young man at that store and he told her the movie was that price.
C: I don't know what to tell you. I've been working here for over a year and a half, I know how much my movies cost and they've never cost that price, so I don't know where your daughter got that from.
D: You told her it cost that price, so you're either gonna give it to her for that price or give her her money back!
C: O.K.

Chulo to the Daughter: Here's your phone, I'm done with him...

:: CHULO HANDS THE GIRL THE PHONE AND TAKES THE MOVIE OFF THE COUNTER ::

Now that I had the movie back, I pull up their account and begin to to the return because I did not tell her the movie was that price and just the fact that they were ignorant I wasn't about to give it to them for two. People are under the impression that the bigger scene you make the more shit you get -- not on my watch. So they look at me like what the fuck you doin' kid and start running their mouthes. As I'm not about to let them continue to make a scene, I turn and say to them, "Ain't no need to act iggnunt... That set them off. Whatever tho, I finished my refund and gave them their money. They look at me and say, "What, we ain't gotta sign nothin?" I'm like no, peace out.

Again they leave, this time even less happy, but now they got their money and I have a headache. For the fuck of it, I call the store six miles down the road. A guy answers the phone... "How much your old movies?", I ask. He tells me, you'll never guess... exactly -- $2.12! I walk to the entrance, as they're now loitering in the foyer... I say, "For the record, I called the store down the street... a guy answered the phone... he told me his movies cost exactly what you told me I told you my movies cost..." She still was 900% positive that she called my store... absolutely amazing! I turned and walked back into the store.

Not but five minutes pass... now I have the whole family in the store...

Mother is wearing a mu-mu, one of those large sheet-looking dresses fat people wear, and a full head of rollers.
Daddy is furious that he had to leave whatever it was he was doing to come yell at the kid in the video store.
The two girls have this shit-eating, you're-in-trouble-now grin on their faces.

Dad begins to lecture me on how I was wrong for changing the price on his daughter. I try to speak and he shoots me down, so I wait. Finally I explain to him that it's entirely possible she called the wrong store. Obviously it wasn't my store as I called the one down the street and the same conditions existed. Then he lectures me on how I was wrong for "snatching" the dvd from his daughter's hand. Shit motherfucker, it was on the counter and you told me to give her her money back. I apologized for "snatching" the movie. Then I told him that regardless of the way I handle the situation I'm going to be wrong, so I'm damned if I do/damned if I don't. Again, he shuts me up and is now lecturing me on how no one calls his daughters ignorant... obviously this included himself because they clearly were ignorant and he just had not been in receipt of the memo yet.

T comes to my defense and is like he didn't call them ignorant, he said they were getting ignorant.

Then you hear from another country in the store, a black woman and her elderly mother, HE MOST CERTAINLY DID CALL THEM IGGNUNT!

With that, the father became more enraged, because now the white devil has come to my defense and blah blah blah. Now everyone is shouting and I'm trying to explain myself -- why, I don't quite know, but I was, that is until Maxie raised her head from what she was doing. "Sir, it's time for you to leave." He became defiant, and in front of his family began to make a scene at the top of his lungs. I stopped and said aloud, "I don't have time for this." I picked up the phone and announced that I was calling the police. I dialed 911 and requested the sheriff to deal with the civil unrest that was about to jump off inside the store. With that, the family threw their tails between their legs and ran the fuck out the store. I should have done it a half hour ago.

And it was just the other day that I was telling Maxie how I hated my job; how as an educated Chulo I shouldn't have to put up with the stupidity of the ordinary man. She agreed with me, however we're both still at the video store. I guess there's always more school...

911 emergency... Do you need fire, rescue or police?