The Night Chulo Slept On the Floor...

much like the circus
without animal abuse
the nation's in town

Take the purest color in the world (white) and then add a group of people who are the exact antithesis to that concept of purity (The Nation of Chulo). Now add a random assortment of co-workers from the house of Montez and multifarious special guests like James Earl Hardy, author of B-Boy Blues and a sexy girl dressed as a bunny. Introduce alcoholic vehicles such as Aguardiente and jell-o shots made with 85% Smirnoff/15% H20 and some chicken wings.

If you were to follow those instructions referenced above you would end up with the 28th Version of the T-Montez Birthday Party with a Nation of Chulo twist.

The night started out slow. Andrelaso's friend Captain Obvious arrived hours ahead of everyone else, but that was expected as he told us he was coming early. In tow he had an ominous backpack that instantly caught my attention in one hand and in the other a bottle which quickly distracted me from the ominous backpack. We continued to cook food and make the playlist for the music for the evening. The music was chosen by yours truly and vetted by the birthday boy himself. While some of the guests whined most of them were equally as content with the music as Montez and I. If they didn't like it, there was more than enuf to drink until they finally did.

Per Montez's edict, each guest to the White Party was required to take a shot of Jose Cuervo before being admitted to the fiesta above. I was good at administering this, granted for half of the guests I was half naked as I was in the process of getting into the shower, and I'll admit, that is not a quick task.

Once I was clean, the food was done, the music was bumpin' and the guests had arrived, the party began.

In the kitchen was Andrelaso and Captain Obvious, the Nation of Chulo gathered by Andrelaso's bed, T-Montez et. al. was in his room and an assorted mix of non-homos littered the space in between the bedrooms, loitering around the food. In addition to James Earl Hardy and the Sexy Bunny, we had another special guest... The Boy Who Lives in the Basement. (A quick aside, The Boy Who Lives in the Basement is the landlord's son, who also happens to be a pato, living inside one of the biggest homo strongholds in all of Sunset Park...) I was instantly drawn to him... another homo in the house to laugh at the world around me with... If the landlord turns out to be a lesbian we might as well paint the outside of the house pink!

90.. 88.. 56.. 33.. 19.. 1.. 0. The jell-o shots were gone and the party was still not over. I believe it was Montez who looked at me the night before and asked me what kind of college event we were throwing. Turns out the jiggly shits were the second biggest hit (tied with my yucca) right behind the fried chicken wings... but I also think that they're half of the reason why I can't seem to remember the ending third of the night as clearly as the first two thirds...

What I've pieced together goes something like this...

I. Escaflowne finds Principio, my first bf...
A. Something Precipitates
1. They're making out on Andrelaso's bed while I'm passed out piss drunk
a. That's expected, it's the Nation of Chulo, last party was much more scandalous
b. I was awake for the last party
B. OK... The outline thing isn't working anymore...

So after they make out, Escaflowne was like I don't want to go home and Andrelaso was like well there's really not room to stay. That was expected as Principio was kinda scurred because Escaflowne came on a little strong and there wasn't any place to stay since the sleeping spaces were claimed before hand. It went something like this...

Kitchen: No Sleeping Space Available
Andrelaso's Room: A Bed, Space for Chulo and Andrelaso... Possibly Principio if he was unable to drive home.
Pallet on the Floor in the Middle by the Food: No Sleeping Space Available; IT'S ATTACHED TO MONTEZ'S BEDROOM!
Montez's Room: A Bed, Space for Montez and Sexy Guest

That's the plan... Too bad the plan never gets followed... Remember that ominous backpack?

I'm really not concerned with the whole Escaflowne/Principio make out thing. Word on the street is I was making out with Azteca, so I have no room to talk... Of course I found out about that days later... I need to stop drinking. =)

Enter Captain Obvious... ominous backpack in hand... heading for the bathroom. Exit Captain Obvious.

Enter Captain Obvious... in shorts and a white t shirt... staring at the bed with animalistic hunger and thirst in his eyes. Exit Chulo and Principio... banished to a plywood construction with a pillow... inches from the floor.

Enter Captain Obvious... into the space no longer reserved for Chulo because he was supposed to go home as Andrelaso had a house guest who he hadn't seen in months currently staying with him (on the floor in his roommate's room)... Exit the plan.

and now a quote...

:::knock-knock-knock::: [Chulo in a Drunken Voice] "Does anyone hear that?" *pause* :::knock-knock-knock::: "That's the sound of Chulo..." *pause* :::knock-knock-knock::: "On the floor!" :::knock-knock-knock:::

end quote.

No one heard it as the door was closed and they had no doubt switched on Jurassic Park and were unable to hear the sounds of the telltale heart beating in the boards below... Montez and Principio heard it... and they were rolling on the floor laughing... that was until I rolled Principio over.

The details are still clouded by whispers and unknown truths...

Condoms were provided, funny lines were said, Chulo played the "Nigga Please" card, Montez was mortified and intrigued at the same time, Principio was happy... and I still don't remember if I bust.

Ahh.. Nation of Chulo parties...

Stay tuned as Captain Obvious saves the day in the next exciting episode of Chulo and the City...