Nana

people touch our lives
once they're gone, we remember
growing thru their words

We're going on a year since I moved into this infernal house. On day two we woke up to find my grandmother dead in her newly furnished room. That day I had to work, but I found it odd that she wasn't up yet, as she always would wake up before everyone else and do strange things around the house -- feeding the dog muffins for example. Not thinking anything of it I went to work like every other day. In hindsight, we should have called the ambulance the night before as she was having heart problems, but she wouldn't have it.

Later that afternoon I found my father at my store. He had a strangeness around him and I could feel something wasn't right. I asked, "Where's Mom?". He replied, "In the truck." I asked, "Where's Mom's Mom?" He replied, "Not in the truck..." With that, my heart sank, for I knew that what I had felt that morning was just a small amount of the emptiness that I would feel in my house, in my heart and in my mind every day after she left us.

She's buried in Rhode Island -- 1,500 miles away from us. On the day of her funeral strangers came up to me and told me that I lost my best friend. I knew it was true, but to have random people tell me this had me in tears. My eyes shaded behind dark Diesel sunglasses, my body wrapped in a black suit, tears rolling down my face.

After the service we went to the cemetary where our family priest said some words that in reality were insignificant because nothing could replace her. Roses covered her casket and holy water rolled off like the tears down my face.

I pushed everyone except for my mother out of my life because no one could understand the emptiness and sadness that I was going thru except for her. Thru all our ups and downs, battles and good times, it was the three of us that were always there for each other.

Now we're both alone in Florida. She has her husband and I have my sister, pero in reality we only have each other and everything else is an incidental. My mother blames herself for this; I do as well at times.

I won't go and say that everyone has a time that God takes them because that's a crock of shit. Everyone does have a time to go, but that means that it's even more important for us to appreciate and fully enjoy the small things in life, for you're never truly sure how much time is left to say "I love you" or "Thanks". Hopefully they knew that they were your reason for living and without them your world ment shit.

Atleast that's my experiance with losing one of the few people who have ever been close to me...