Growing Panes...

life keeps on going
strangely you remain the same
surrounded by change

I realised the other day that the world is changing. The funny thing tho, thru the window of my mind, I can see the movement of time. I see my peers in business clothes doing the work thing. I see people come into the block, some a few years younger and others older than I, with wifey [or baby's mama(s)] and the two kids by their side. They drive their BMW or Range Rover to and from their apartment to the gym, the grocery store and every other place it is they go to in the course of the day except for work -- it would seem that they have no need for such trivial things. And I'm left wondering, when will my life also have meaning?

From the day your shot out of the womb your parents had dreams and aspirations for your future. Typically, for me at least, it was graduate high school while maintaining good enuf grades to get into the college I wanted to go to, get thru college in four years while developing skills to be independent and an intuitive thinker and then continue onward into the workforce using the degree I paid eighty grand for. I have accomplished most of the above -- a wrench was thrown into the gears after graduation that in effect put my life as I knew it on pause.

As I sit in Palm Beach County, writing these things for you to read, I'm in effect, wasting two years of my life. From my arrival to my eventual departure, I don't foresee returning to this place any time soon. Along the way, I've been lied to by family (the ruse that got me to agree to move here in the first place), I've broken my leg in Miami, as my friends were here for Spring Break and it was only an hour drive, I have maintained my high school job while having gone thru college to receive a degree, and I've been worked to death at said job for a substandard wage given my education and experience at the Block.

I know I've painted a grim picture of my life, however, given what I came from to what I have become, it has become ever more dark and seemingly paradoxical, even to me. In my travels to and from work and trolling the internet for signs of life, I have met people. The majority of life in the state of Florida is in its own state of confusion. I'm not sure who told these people that they were the greatest things to ever grace the United States, however they're sadly mistaken and the person who planted this seed in their minds should be taken out back and shot execution style in the head. Don't get me wrong... as of today 21 November, I have actually met, in real life, flesh and blood people... that I do not work with, who have turned out to be really cool peeps. Bear in mind, over a year being here, I can still count that number of good people on one hand. I won't name names, but they know who they are... granted I might not call like I should, but that's not because I don't like them, I don't call anyone.

But back to the main point, primarily the windows of my life clouded with uncertainty and despair. Being in this antiquated and hurricane damaged Republican stronghold, I've been almost rocking on the edge of a dark precipice. Has my life become a habit or pattern of behavior that has become dull and unproductive, one that is hard to change? If so, then I am in a rut. Or perhaps this all could be one tricky game that Eleggua has set before me to see how I fare given obvious hardships and complex puzzles to solve. Either way, I am aware of the consequences that will befall me should I fail in a) breaking free from the rut or b) not completing Eleggua's game to a satisfactory degree.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip; that started from this tropic port, aboard this tiny ship...