Why Not Just Off Yourself?

flutter in the air
pollinate those who seek it
god, what have you done

Now Chulo's heard some strange things in his life from people who enjoy being urinated on to a Colombian busting his nut on someone's feet, but this children, this has got me concerned. In this world of Homotopia, the internet has become the number one hotspot for meeting people. Whether it is a friend to hang out with because you're just in to the city or a "friend" to hang out with because he's just in you, these online portals have become the easiest way to narrow down people who you think you'd like get get with based on a series of standard options.

Like buying a new car, you check everything out to see what it's equipped with. Maybe you want a new Latino Dominican model, equip'd with caramel skin, average height, athletic build and a nice uncut dick. Perhaps you want a Cracka Corn-fed White Boy model, equip'd with skin as white as snow, boy next door looks, bright green eyes and a hungry ass. Not only are these places dehumanizing the courting process, they're also bringing rise to beyond risky behavior and fatal sexual obsessions. What we're talking about here today is people who engage in "Bug Chasing".

Bug Chasers, as they're known, are HIV- men who seek out HIV+ men to intentionally become infected with the disease. I know what you're doing, your doing what I did, y you're saying to yourself, "Who the fuck would do that, Chulo?. Unfortunately the answer is more than you would would ever believe. This is some scary shit, and what's worse, these Bug Chasers have actually rationalized their behaviour.

For these individuals, there are four major reasons why they want to get the HIV. Some want it because it's, in their opinion, the ultimate sexual rush. They find it erotic that their partner is giving them such a life altering "gift" and it excited them that they are pleasing their partner by letting him share this aspect of himself with them. This joining is the ultimate taboo for them, and the entire event is something that could never be touched.

For others, they look at their situation much like this; If I'm going to get it anyways, I might as well do it on my own time rather than live and wonder if it's happened yet. Many are having massive amounts of risky sex and others are using intravenous needles to shoot drugs -- some are doing both. They see it as something that is bound to happen along their journey of unsafe choices and would rather take control of that aspect of their life.

There are also those out there who believe that the system takes such good care of the HIV population by giving them medications and breaks on housing and other such things that being positive is just a minor annoyance compared to the benefits that they will receive. They see their life going no where, and as a means to survive get infected.

Finally, there is a group that see being positive as belonging to a special club, a fraternity if you will. Some are loners in the community while other just have no friends for whatever reason -- being positive creates a support group like atmosphere, With this group, no longer are they alone; with this group they have found others in situations that all can identify with.

Regardless of the rationalization behind "chasing the bug", one thing is for sure, it is a permanent change to life as you may have known it. Perhaps glamorous at first, as you veer away from the "freedom" of bare-backing and not giving a shit because what can possibly be worse than HIV, and you finally decide to "settle down" into a relationship it will obviously lose its appeal... if it even takes that long.

Even Chulo can be serious sometimes...