their lives an inspiration
now only deceit
PHOTO COURTESY MEDINA=CITI
We're approaching the one month mark of Chulo's online experience. With most things that are kinda nifty and cool, once one person does it and it takes off, it doesn't take much for their peers to imitate said nifty and cool thing and have one of their own. T-Montez suggested that I, Chulo, take up blogging. I never was one to write my thoughts down on paper, and never dare thought I would post them for the world to see. With the launch of EL JANGUEO, blogs from Eulicious, Escaflowne and now Medina=Citi have been created in the same online universe. Not that I'm irritated that people are biting at my style, rather far from it. I'm glad that I can serve as an inspiration to others, much like T-Montez has served for me.
What does get me is how people have come to twist my words and fail to notice the role that they play and the responsibility that is there. The Little Bird taught me that between anger and responsibility lies blame. A tricky concept to grasp, yes, but how i understand it is like this. In feeling anger and while dishing out responsibility, the blame ultimately lies on you for allowing the situation to get as far as it had.
MEDINA=CITI has not spoken to me since My Size Dominican-gate, and since then I have been writing about the events that have happened in my life, many of them involving MEDINA=CITI. I would like to state for the record that I have had nothing but love an support for Will, the person who came before MEDINA=CITI. Since MEDINA=CITI has risen like a phoenix from the ashes from the corpse of Will, it's as if I really don't know him anymore. I read the first entry of his blog and I really took his words to heart. He included a graphic (shown above) that was inspired by the events that happened the morning of the MEDINA = CITI art show. It shows a wounded MEDINA=CITI cradling three hearts while three collaborators look on, all standing by a body of water. In the reflection it shows the bad things being washed away. The entire underlying meaning, a shadow of The Writer.
In the text of the blog it paints a picture of a broken and wounded MEDINA=CITI. Abandoned by his closest friends; deceived by those who he trusted -- malcontents who turned on him to spread lies and and secretly hope for him to fail. This really gave me pause for I felt that he had dedicated part of this message to me. He was speaking in a blog, hosted in the same location as my own, perhaps in response to the things that I have written. Maybe it's guilt making me believe that I may be at the root of MEDINA=CITI's "venting" or perhaps it's all just a coincidence. Do I feel guilty? Perhaps in some amount as I do value his friendship, but all relationships are a two way street, and it takes more than one person to make things work. He had indicated he needed time to collect his thoughts and I respected that and let him alone. It hurts me to know that the last time I saw him, I don't even remember the events because I was inebriated.
If MEDINA=CITI was hurt by the content of my blog that was not my intention at all. My writings are a way for me to cope with the feelings that I have within. Do I feel abandoned by MEDINA=CITI, the answer is an overpowering yes. Are there more like me? You had better believe it. The words on this page come from the heart -- if they are interpreted to be malicious, that is because the reader perceives them that way. If said reader is the person who I am writing about, then perhaps it is guilt that is making you lash out against me because you know that from my perspective everything that has been written is true. I take my writings seriously, and try to paint a picture of the whole story to my readers. This is more than an online rant of those who have caused me pain. To dismiss it as that or as "dirt being thrown in your face" is not only a disservice to my writing, but also a devaluing of my emotions.
I hope that your new friends are as pure in heart as you, for I have failed you...
No hay comentarios.:
Publicar un comentario